Amara Jivana

Amara Jivana
Shrila Bhaktivinoda Thakura

amara jivana, sada pape rata,
nahika punyera lesha
parere udvega, diyachi je kata,
diyachi jivere klesha (1)

Throughout my whole life I have been addicted to sin, never performing any pious
activities. I have simply been a source of disturbance and suffering for others.

nija sukha lagi’, pape nahi dari,
daya-hina svartha-para
para sukhe duhkhi, sada mithya-bhashi,
para-duhkha sukha kara (2)

For my own pleasure I never fear to commit any sin. I am devoid of pity and full of
selfishness; I’m sorry at others’ happiness and am an inveterate liar. Indeed, I take
delight in others’ miseries.

ashesha kamana, hridi majhe mora,
krodhi dambha-parayana
mada-matta sada, vishaye mohita,
himsa-garva vibhushana (3)

Endless are the selfish desires in my heart. I am prone to anger and devoted to
arrogance. Intoxicated by conceit and deluded by attraction to sense pleasure, I
ornament myself with pride and envy.

nidralasya-hata, sukarye virata,
akarye udyogi ami
pratishtha lagiya, shathya-acarana,
lobha-hata sada kami (4)

Afflicted by laziness and sleep, adverse to pious activities, I delight to perform any
harmful act to obtain name and fame. I am very adept in duplicity, always lusty and
degraded by mundane greed.

e hena durjana, sajjana-varjita,
aparadhi nirantara
shubha-karya-shunya, sadanartha-mana,
nana duhkhe jara jara (5)

Being such a miscreant and rejected by saintly persons, I have become a repeated
offender. I never do good deeds but am inclined only to bad habits. Thus, I am
oppressed by so many miseries.

vardhakye ekhana, upaya vihina,
ta’te dina akincana
bhakativinoda, prabhura carane,
kare duhkha nivedana (6)

Now in old age I am rendered helpless, reduced to a fallen and destitute condition.
Bhaktivinoda presents his sad case at the feet of the Lord.